July 22,2010

And so I start again.  I don't like being tired and not having much energy.  I am tired of feeling fat and clumsy.  I have limited mobility, and unfortunately it is getting worse.  This weekend I had a couple of problems, twice I got overheated, light headed and dizzy.  It could have been the heat, the lack of fluids, or sugar issues.  I am not sure but it scared the tar out of me. Sunday morning I sat in the hallway at church feeling very helpless, because I was so dizzy and sick to my stomach.  Roger was a dear and went and got some gator-aid for me to drink.  Really made a difference.  As I sat there in the hallway I had several people ask if I was diabetic.  I am hypoglycemic, but have not been taking care of it. I know I have gained weight in the last several months, though I am not sure how much.  Afraid to find out.  It will be a very scary number.  I saw Mark this week and he made some comments about my weight and that I no longer have a good excuse to not move forward.  It upset me and hurt my feelings.  In the office I rolled my eyes at him and tried to blow him off.  Only I couldn't .  It had been on my mind before he said anything.  Roger and I have even talked about how wonderful a private walking trail would be and how much I could use it.   So this is where I am at now.   I have to make changes and now, I really don't like being this way.

So here is what I have done.  I was given a treadmill, only hadn't picked it up and wasn't going to until we move.    We keep talking about getting started walking when.... we have a bigger yard and I can have a walking trail, when the weather is cooler and I can handle the heat better, when the kids go back to school and so on.  Tonight I called my friend, and she delivered the treadmill to me.  She and her son even set it up.  So now I must use it.  So I did I walked 5 minutes tonight, my legs are wobbly but I feel good.  Over the last week I have cut down the amount of pop I am drinking, which is way to much.  I have been drinking more water and gator-aid.  I am also trying to cut down on what I have been eating, which has been gorging if you will.  Tonight I made a menu that goes through this weekend.  And I am working on menu's for this next week.  These menus have to have Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner included and snack.  Otherwise I will not eat what I need to be eating.  Yesterday I spent 3 hours swimming in the lake playing with the kids.  It may not be much, but this is a start.  I need to do this for me!