day 37 - Thurs 8/20

I have always hated the day when all my clothes are dirty and I am forced to wear my jeans. Not because they are hot ( even though they are), but because they are too tight. I only wear them when I have to, and then I take them off and put my "home pants" on. Today was that day. I was really dreading getting dressed because I knew I didn't have a choice and it was a jeans day. Today was different though, when I put them on I could breathe. They didn't feel as if they would cut me into pieces within minutes, I didn't have to unbutton them to drive, and then remember to re button them. They are not loose but they are comfortable, I can breathe, and I didn't even think about unbuttoning them to drive. It may seem like a small thing but to me it is huge. It was a moment of a way to go, and affirmation that I am really doing this and doing this for me. You see I have been out of town for a week , there were 2 days I didn't even enter my points, and the 2 weeks proceeding my trip I had a very hard time eating. I snuck some food that I didn't account for, and I haven't been to the gym in a couple of weeks. ( My sitter for gym time had visitation with his father). I weighed in at my mother's but it is not the scale I have been regularly weighing on so there is differences, though I am not for sure how much.

I am much more conscience of what I am eating and my portions. I have noticed that my eyes are bigger than my actual appetite. I also have discovered what the difference is when I eat the good healthy food and the junk food. I can also tell a huge difference in the way I feel if I eat too much of anything good or bad. It does make me think when I know I should stop but actively make the decision to continue. There are consequences like the headaches are so much worse, and I ache all over when I really go over board. I get tired and sluggish, and grouchy and just plain nasty. I get very short with Rog and the kids. I have also discovered that I feel better when I drink water, and not pop all the time. I am not having to force the water as much as I want to drink it and sometimes prefer it over the pepsi.

I had therapy tonight, I think it is doing me some good. I am starting to see why I eat the way I do. I am also learning a lot about the reasons I do the things that I do in the ways that I do. I will continue as long as I need to.

I really feel different, I don't feel as down and dumpy. I feel like I can think more clearly and that it is ok to not be perfect, but there is no reason to hide behind my self. I can do this. I want to do this.

Ended day with 40 points.